I recently sat down with Vanessa Cruz for a conversation that stayed with me long after we wrapped recording. On the surface, we talked about career pivots, confidence, neuroscience, and community. But underneath all of it was something deeper. A shared belief that most people are not broken, behind, or lacking. They are disconnected from themselves.
Vanessa has years of experience in coaching, leadership, and education, and everything she does is rooted in service. Not in a performative way, but in a deeply values-driven way. That showed up in every part of our conversation.
What stood out most was how clearly she could articulate who she is and what she stands for. That clarity is not accidental. It is built through reflection, self-trust, and a willingness to look inward, even when it feels uncomfortable.
The Invisible Thread That Connects Your Career Pivots
When I asked Vanessa to look back on her career, she described an invisible thread running through every role and pivot. For her, that thread has always been service. She did not always know what the work would look like, but she knew how she wanted to show up in the world.
That idea matters more than most people realize.
So many people try to reverse engineer purpose by chasing titles, roles, or external validation. But purpose is usually revealed by looking backward and noticing what has consistently mattered to you, even when the roles changed.
For Vanessa, that meant authenticity, integrity, and being someone whose actions match her words. Those values became her internal compass. If an opportunity aligned, she moved forward. If it did not, she listened to that resistance.
Why Confidence Is Rarely the Real Problem
One of the biggest themes we kept coming back to was confidence. Almost every client Vanessa works with believes they lack clarity, direction, or credentials. What she actually sees, over and over again, is a lack of confidence in their own value.
This shows up in surprising ways.
Highly educated people who believe they have nothing to offer. Successful professionals who struggle to articulate their strengths. Women who have spent years achieving but cannot name what they are proud of.
Often, people insist they are confident. But when you listen closely, you hear uncertainty about their worth, their voice, or their right to take up space.
The issue is not ability. It is self-trust.
How Confidence Gets Conditioned Out of Us
Confidence does not disappear overnight. It slowly gets conditioned out of us.
From a young age, many people are taught how to perform, achieve, and meet expectations. Far fewer are taught how to reflect, identify values, or take pride in effort rather than perfection.
Add in cultural expectations, gender roles, social pressure, and constant comparison, and it becomes easy to see why so many adults feel disconnected from who they are.
What struck me most was Vanessa’s emphasis on starting this work earlier. Not to lock ourselves into one identity, but to normalize self-reflection. Values evolve. Priorities shift. But learning how to check in with yourself is a skill that compounds over time.
Being Stuck Does Not Mean You Are Failing
One of the most grounding moments in our conversation was reframing the idea of being stuck.
Being stuck does not mean something is wrong with you. It usually means you are at the edge of growth. You know the current version of your life is no longer working, but you do not yet have language or clarity for what comes next.
That limbo can feel heavy. Many people believe they need a full plan before asking for help. In reality, the first step is simply naming the discomfort out loud.
Reaching out, having a conversation, or admitting that something feels off is not weakness. It is a courageous starting point.
How the Brain Keeps Us Playing Small
Vanessa also shared insights into the neuroscience behind why change feels so hard.
Your brain is wired to conserve energy. Familiar patterns, even uncomfortable ones, feel safer than the unknown. When you consider doing something new, your brain often responds with resistance. Not because you are incapable, but because your brain is trying to protect you from perceived risk.
Understanding this changes everything.
Those thoughts that tell you to stay quiet, stay small, or wait until you are ready are not true. They are habit. And habits can be rewired.
Through awareness and repetition, you can create new neural pathways. Each time you pause, recognize what is happening, and choose a different response, you strengthen that new pathway. Over time, the unfamiliar becomes familiar.
Change does not require a massive leap. It starts with one small, intentional step.
Why Community Is Not Optional
One of the most powerful takeaways from this conversation was the role of community in personal growth.
We are not meant to do this work alone. Growth accelerates when it is witnessed, supported, and normalized. Having a safe person or space where you can speak honestly about your desires changes how real they feel.
Vanessa’s work centers around creating those spaces. Not for fixing people, but for reminding them that they are the authors of their own lives. When you say something out loud to someone who believes in you, it stops living only in your head. It becomes possible.
A Reminder If You Feel On the Edge of Something New
If you are in a season where you feel restless, uncertain, or quietly yearning for something more, I want you to hear this clearly.
You are not behind.
You are not broken.
And you do not need to have everything figured out to begin.
Start by telling one safe person the truth about what you want. Let it exist outside of your thoughts. That single step creates momentum.
The world does not need a more polished version of you. It needs an honest one.
And that is where everything begins.
